Day by Day ..
Our family is living in the state of "DAY BY DAY". I am living in the state of "Day by Day" as it is too painful to think or dwell on what tomorrow might bring.
Every night before I go to bed I love on Brutus and selfishly pray that he will still be with us in the morning. I know he is declining. The tumor is getting larger and heavier and I know it is getting harder for him to lift his leg up to carry it when he walks. Yet he still jumps up to "go to the garage" , "go see the babies- grandchildren) " or "lets get the mail or go bye bye in the car". He gives it his all.
He cant tell me what his level of pain he is in. Since his kidneys, liver and ect are still good this means that most likely the pain will become so bad and quality of life will give out before his spirit actually will..which also means that he will most likely not die in his sleep (as I pray) but that we will have to make the hardest decision of our lives to when to say "IT"S TIME TO LET GO".. Everybody says that the the dog will tell you when it's time , but I am afraid that Brutus wont as he is so devoted to us. Sometimes I think I see something that might be telling me .. but my mind wont let me go there ....and then he jumps up and shows me he still has the will to live.
It is so hard .. and I am afraid .. I am not sure that praying for him to be with us the next morning or for just one more day is the right thing. I know I am prolonging the inevitable as he will not get better. He is going to die and there is nothing I can do about it . I am afraid to let go .. I AM SO ANGRY , I am afraid of my actions. I am afraid of what our lives are going to be without him as he has brought so much into our lives. I am afraid to live with out MY BOY ..MY BRUTUS ... but I look at him and he is so brave.... maybe I need to learn this lesson from him.. to stop being afraid and be brave for him......
*** NOTE - NOT EVEN 5 MINTUES AFTER I POSTED THIS .. I FOUND THIS ON FACEBOOK, WHICH WASNT THERE EARLIER THIS MORNING.. wow .. i really needed this .. How do you know when it’s time to release your animal friends from their bodies
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