1 year since you SLIPPED AWAY..The Lessons Keep Coming

                                       If I can stop one heart from breaking,
                                       I shall not live in vain;
                                       If I can ease one life the aching,
                                       Or cool one pain,
                                       Or help one fainting robin
                                       Unto his nest again,
                                        I shall not live in vain.
                                        *Emily Dickinson"



I can not believe that today marks the one year anniversary of my beloved Brutus' passing.
 Brutus came into our lives for a reason and a season. His life and struggles were not in vain. His life was not
without purpose or without positive results.

I  still find myself randomly crying for him and every once in a while I still "smell" him. 
 The day he slipped away was a day that I thought the pain, the heartbreak, the anger, the anguish, the lost of faith and hope would never subside.  Some how as time has bitter sweetly passed, I have found myself being  humbled over  and over again at how blessed I was to even have had this wonderful creature in my life. 

Other the year Brutus' lessons continue to show themselves in very wondrous ways... sometimes in small subtle ways and others like a rock thrown to my forehead. His memory and spirit shines through when really needed the most.

He taught me what being a quiet unassuming warrior is really about., he taught me that through the pain there is forgiveness  unconditional love and soul saving  surrender.  He taught me to stand strong to who I  really am  and who I want to be. Not to accept the "status qou" and question the so called higher  earthbound powers and even question the higher heavenly bound powers. 

He has taught me GRACE AND DIGNITY . 
He taught me how  "That letting go and fully surrendering" is not always such a bad thing.
It is in the manner in which you chose to let go and surrender.  If you do it with grace and dignity all the "other stuff" will either fall in place or fall away.  

He taught me to WALK IN BEAUTY:
That no matter who you are, what your upbringing, your faults or your demons, its your heart's intentions that really only matters.
 Being Pure of Heart, having a quiet mind , a clean conscious is all one really needs to walk that path. Walk in Grace and Beauty every day and all will fall in place or fall away.

One year ago today I lost a very big part of me , but every day I try to live in his memory.
I try to do better, I try to live better, I have let go of so many things that took my time away from him, my family and true circle of friends. So much wasted time trying to be something or someone I wasn't meant to be.  In the end Brutus didn't care , he showed me nothing but unconditional love.

A piece of my heart is missing and will never be whole until we are together again, but until that time comes I will try to continue on in this world living within the Grace, Beauty and Dignity of Brutus' Lessons.

11 months since you left us

Hello my sweetboy..

It has been 11 months today since you left us and even though the pain of losing you has lessened
you are still missed very much and are still in my thoughts everyday.

The other day I went over to see the grand boys and when Brolly opened the door he asked
in his innocent 3 year old curious way "Where is Boo Boo?"... it made me stop in mid step....
and I had to remind him that haven't been with us for some time now and that you  were in the sky sitting on your cloud just waiting for another opportunity to throw down another penny to him, He smiled and ran off to play..... some how that day .. He was thinking of you too....

I miss you Boo and you are not forgotten.

8 months.. He must have seen me struggling

My Dear Sweet Bru…

Brutus at approx 3 months

It has been 8 months since we said good bye and my heart broke.  I thought I would never get over the horrible pain of losing you.

To this day I still carry that pain in my heart and tear up when I think of how brave you were during your battle to live .  I truly believe that you stayed for all long as you could as you knew that I needed you.

I always needed you much more than you ever needed me.  I look back and think of how selfish I was to make you endure such pain. 

These past few months have been really hard without you . When Ms Tonka’s 6 th anniversary of her death came by on April 10^th I thought to myself that time does heal the pain  yet I couldn’t and didn’t even want to entertain the thought of still being with out you in 6 years…

I was missing you so much and still do , but for a while there I couldn’t move forward, I wouldn’t open my heart to any one or anything and  I closed out the world while living in fear of feeling ever again. I only wanted to stay within the high walls that I had built around me. I was having such a hard time letting you truly go.

You must have felt me struggling and  you sent me a sign and a blessing:

On April 23^rd     a new soul came into our lives  and the way he came to us has made me believe 100% that this soul was sent by you. The way it all came about .. I KNOW IT WAS YOU .. you gave me a sign that it is ok to move forward, not to let go but to move forward. I know it was your  big heart  who put  a little puppy that  needed us in our arms.  A puppy that truly needed us  and we truly needed him.

Bishop age 3 months

Strangely this new little one has many of your traits and handsome features.  The one that struck me the most was the spot on his belly .. just like yours.  He seems to be a deep thinker just like you. He has a pink spot in his nose and white chest and white tip on his tail.  I know he is not you but I think a bit of him is from you.

He will never , ever in a million years  take your place .. but he is helping us to remember and honor your life . Honor your life and your lessons by moving forward and trying our best to pass those lessons on to BISHOP BRU JIMENEZ.

I promise to do better with him.  Because of you I KNOW BETTER.. and when you know better ..you ultimately do better.

This time I hope to get it "right" !!!  Remembering your lessons I am sure I will not fail.

*********

Daddy told me the other day that when he was outside with Bishop that  he looked up into the heavens  and with a tear in his eye he whispered  “THANK YOU BUBBA”….. (T’was a big step for your daddy)..I have not seen any joy on your daddys face since you have left us... and this present from you has helped him too .... Even though you are no longer physically with us, your spirit , kindness and lesson seems to live on in some pretty amazing ways.......

Daddy and Bishop

In my dreams

4/17/12
Last night before I feel asleep I asked Brutus to come to me in my dreams.

It was a strange dream where a Blue Jay was fluttering around all over the place but would calm down for us to hold him. By us I mean the grandchildren and my husband.

Then a wolfish german shepherd dog appeared that turned into a black and tan wolf rottiwieler. But the eyes were Brutus’……everything that I felt in my body during the dream told me it was Brutus ..maybe he has taken on a different form or he is telling me he is enjoying his afterlife with these other spirits.. All I know that what ever the dream meant it made me feel good when I woke up and I felt a sense of peace for him and for me. 

So thank you Brutus for visiting me and letting me feel your love again

7 Months -Sweet Sweet Memories

Today marks the 7th month without our Bru Boy physically being in our presence.
He may not be in our physical presence but he is always carried in our hearts.
I still think of my boy often and still tear up from time to time.

This pasted weekend I was doing some spring cleaning and I  came across some old pictures in a box in the closet and  they are pictures of Brutus as a Puppy. One shows  him laying on his Daddy's belly at estimated age of 6 months and others are him hanging out and having a good time with his older Brother Shaft.   

Brutus was such a handsome boy with such "awesome and unusual markings', as I was told by so many people who knew the breed much better than I.

I also found his first Ribbon that he ever won at his very first MFAPBTA show... date 7/172005... I will never forget that day. He held himself in such high esteem and had no problem telling the other dogs who he was and what he was all about.  The judge was James Rogers ( a true dog man of the breed). James loved how Bru was so proud of himself , his nice chest and markings. He kept telling Bru to "Tell em like it is..tell them who you are.. now thats fine Bulldog" ....  He took 3rd place in a ring of about 8 other long time shown dogs. Not bad for his first showing ever......

One things for sure Brutus never had a problem with
"Telling em who HE WAS "....               

Sweet Sweet memories for sure !!!

Remembering my Warrior Brutus- Telling his story

I have always said to TELL ONES STORY SO THAT THIER MEMORY NEVER FADES..

I watched this movie today and it reminded me of my Brutus and his courageous battle with cancer.
It reminded me how he lived his life with such dignity and fierce loyatly. 
He was my WARRIOR!!!

 "Remember"
By Josh Groban

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me

I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun

I'm with you
Whenever you tell, my story
For I am all I've done
Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Remember me

I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky

As long as I still can reach out, and touch you
Then I will never die

Remember, I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me

Remember me...

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me

Remember me
Remember... me

Paw of love ...