R.I.P BRUTUS- He was not afraid

A gentleman always knows when it is time to leave.


I knew this week would be the last week we would have with our beloved Brutus.
Yesterday he was having a REALLY BAD DAY. His tumor had gotten so much bigger in such a few days. He was sleeping more than being awake. He was still eating but he wasnt drinking. He had life in him but a very diminshed life.  He was being very brave.

Yesterday day , I took him to the Vet.  He was running a very high fever and he exhibiting signs of being in severe pain. Our vet advised us to take him home for the night  to spend one last night with him as it is time to say good bye. We set the "last appointment" for 9:30am the next morning. Saying good bye at our house was no longer an option due to the fevers.  I again begged God  for the miracle that he so deserved. To either save him from this horrible cancer or to at least let him leave us peacefully in his sleep at home and not in vets office in which he was sometimes afraid at .

When we got home, I gave Brutus the prednisone that his Doctor had given us and I wet him down from head to toe  and paced him on the couch with a cool wet blanket trying in vain to bring his temperture down.(see below). I didnt care that my couch was being ruined by the water.  I hand feed him water cupped in my hands. He drank a whole bowl plus he was continuously licking the soaked wet towels that I had wrapped around his wrists. Due to his body heat the towels were dry in no time and I had to douse them over and over in my vain efforts to keep him at a lower temperature.  The cancer was over taking his body and the fevers were a definate enemy. The picture below says it all.  He had never hung over the couch in such a manner before this night.

Brutus' last night (feeling really bad)

He was on and off very listless and he finally went to lay down him his room. He barely licked the lotion off my hands as he did every night since he was a puppy.   I noticed that his good leg was laying on top of the tumor and when I moved his leg to place a pillow between the legs I was forced to comes to grips with this big ugly thing on his leg and how this tumor was eating away my dogs body and spirit. I laid down at the foot of the bed with him and held him tight. I prayed once more but I knew right then and there that Brutus' miracle would not come and tomorrow I would have to thank him for being so brave and then help him out of all his suffering. I believe that I cried myself to sleep.

Sept 16th  7:30am

He woke up at about 7:30 am , and seemed to be better. His fever had subsided somewhat yet the tumor was very hot to the touch .  He went outside to do his buisness and I hand feed him some more water.
My Son Brian, his wife and the  3 grandboys came over around 8:00 am.The G-boys didnt know it was Brutus' last day and we didnt tell them. We want them to only have untainted memories of Bru.  Brutus got up and did his "protection bark" and once he saw the kids he did his licking routine and then went to lay down by one of his favorite spots by the door. Another sign that he was leaving us, as even a a few weeks ago you couldnt keep Bru off the grandbabies and his super duper happy tail was something the kids tried desparately to stay away from as they would go home with brusies.

The G-boys helped me feed Brutus his usual Meatballs and wet food and he ate it very well.

I was thinking to myself that it seems that dogs always get better or act better the day you decide you need to let them go.  My husband says it the same with humans... that we feel bad but when we see the doctor usually  we dont feel bad anymore .

Brutus' last picture, even though he could barely stand he went outside to say one last good bye to his G boys

During the G-boys visit Brutus was in and out of sleep.  He did get up to go outside with the G-boys when they were leaving . It felt like he couldnt let them down. That he had to be strong and proud for them. As soon as the G-boys left, he went back into the house and laid down for the last few times on his pile of pillows and blankies that have been in the middle of the living room the past 4 months.

9:00AM
Brutus was resting on his pile of blankies when he all of a sudden he jumped up and started barking at the door. It was my best friend Debbie.  Once he saw her,  he gave her a Quick lick or two and he headed back to the pillow pile.  Debbie had come to help us say good bye and to just be there for Bru if need be.

Debbie and Bru at the Park June 2011

9:10AM
While Bru was lying on "His Pile" he started whining and started staring out toward the front door. He whined and bark that sounded very much like a " semi- protection" whine.  He was staring intently at the front door so I asked him if he wanted to go outside.  He got up and went out the front door to the drive way and just stared at it . Looking like he was searching or expecting to find something. He was still whining a little bit.  A few seconds later I heard the sound of a base booming car and then out of no where I saw my son Brian driving towards our house.  Brutus was doing a happy whine. It was as if he knew Brian was coming and that he had to get to him...his boy came back for him.

Brian and Brutus 2005

I will never forget it.. as Brian was getting out of the car Brutus wobbled over to him.  DOGS KNOW. 

Brian had come back as he said he had to help us say good-bye and after all it was he and his father who had picked Brutus out of the litter and Brian helped his Dad pay for him . He felt since he was there in the beginning that it only be fitting that he be with him in the end.
Brutus came back into the house and laid back down oh his pile for the last time

9:30AM
It was time for us to leave but my husband was stalling. He didnt want to do it. He kept saying "its whats best for Bubba".. if it was up to him he would keep him until he died as home. He was battling him self. but he eventually got up off the couch and we started our way on Brutus' final car ride.

9:45ish
We arrived at the Vets office and  Bru was in semi good spirits but you can tell he was  oh so tired. When the nurse called us into the room, I placed Brutus' favorite blanket and pillow on the ground and he promptly laid down  on them with out me having to ask. It was like he knew. He wasnt afraid.  He laid down like he knew what was going on and he  was ready and it was ok.  He looked so frail and weak.  My son and husband were loving on him but they couldnt handle it and had to leave. So my best Friend Debbie came in to help me say goodbye.  I layed down next to Boo in a spooning position and held him him tight.  I told him how much I loved him and how much he will be missed. The nurse came in and gave him his sedative as we both layed on the ground together. He only slightly reacted to the injection.  I started to cry . He layed his head back in my arms and didnt fight it. As if he was saying "its ok Mommy and thank you" for releiving him of this pain and suffering .  I was crying even harder. I made sure that my face was what he saw, the last vision he saw before he was gone.  I breathed  him in and stroked his beautiful reddish orange and white hair. I kissed his pink nose. I  was telling him how brave he was , how much I loved him, will miss him, thanked him for all the lessons and blessing he gave us. The doctor came in and kindly waited for me to say ok.  By this time even though Brutus' eyes were still open  he was snoring.  I knew he was sedated really good and I gave the doc the ok.  This is where I began to lose it  as I knew this was the end. Still laying next to him ,I held him so close to me and kept telling him that I loved him. I  felt his last heart beat and  him take his last breath. I felt his body go limp.  I felt the Doc putting the stethoscope to his chest  and then I totally lost it. HE WAS GONE. MY BRU WAS FOREVER GONE . I felt like I was screaming for him to come back.  I cried uncontrollably as I buried my head into the side of his head.   Debbie was trying her best to console me. There was no consoling me.  This was an unbareable pain.  After a few mintues ,when I couldnt breath from crying so hard I looked up and saw the Doc's eyes and they were watering.  I knew Brutus was gone and sat up to catch my breath.  Finally I got up to tell my husband and son that he was gone and  they went into the room to see him as I  asked the nurse if I could have some shavings of Brutus' hair.    He looked like he was peacefully sleeping but I knew that he was forever gone from this world.

Faithful Friends Pet Cremation had 2 lovely ladies who came to pick Brutus up and I couldnt have asked for better. They came in to the room prior to Brutus being sedated and loved on him and blessed him , even though they never had met him before. They were the top of professionals. They were so respectful and caring  of his body and was so gentle with him. They genlty wrapped Brutus up to his nose in his blankie with his blue doll baby and placed him on the stretcher. My husband and son carried him out to the awaiting company car. We said our final good byes and I kissed his pink nose one last time . The lovely ladies promised me that they would take great care of him and in my heart  I knew he was in good hands. This helped make it easier to let him go.

Brutus passed away peacefully in my arms. Such bittersweet and precious moments.  Even though I wasnt ready, he was ....HE WAS NOT AFRAID.  He knew it was his time to go.   He passed away with the same GRACE AND DIGNITY AS HE LIVED.  A gentleman always knows when it is time to leave.

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Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead, young and whole once more. "God speed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.


-- Author Unknown