4 weeks without Bru -Purpose,Faith& In Time

                           PURPOSE , FAITH & IN TIME

PURPOSE:

The object toward which one strives or for which one exists

And ever those, who would enjoyment gain/Must find it in the purpose they pursue" (Sarah Josepha Hale).

FAITH:

Faith is trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity. It can also refer to beliefs that are not based on proof yet felt in the heart

IN TIME:
Within an indefinite time; eventually
 

Today is has a been a month since our beloved boy left us.

    Even though I still miss him terribly I am able to say his name without crying. I can smell his scent with only a little welling up but not the full on ugly cry that followed his passing.  I miss him sleeping with me. I miss our bedtime routine. I miss him waking me by his incessive licking and tail massages. I am trying to get used to having Ninnie and Shaft sleeping with me and thier sleep patterns.I try to light candles in his memory every night yet even that is less and less now. Our family circle  is moving forward yet it  is definately broken and the dynamics in our house are so different. But life is moving forward.
      I am still angry over the fact that he had this horrible disease and that all the  praying done on his behalf by myself and so many others  didn't produce the miracle that he so deserved and I begged and pleaded for.  My faith has never been strong but I tried so hard for Brutus' sake to have faith and believe.   Yet his well deserved miracle didn't happen. Any  Faith and Belief  that I had has now been shaken to it's core.


His last night with us
please click HERE

      I guess the only thing I have left to believe in is that the miracle was that he came into my life in the first place along with the lessons he provided me and our community.     Per the last few posts, life is moving forward with out him.  I still have Shaft and Ninnie to take care of .   I am afraid to give my heart so freely to them as I know the heartache that will come in the future.  I know that in my heart I need to move on and in Brutus' memory give Shaft and Ninnie my all.  To finish where he left off. But my heart is just not there yet.  I am hoping that in a month from now that I will be writing how I have been able to find the heart and will to continue his legacy through Shaft and Ninnie.  They both deserve nothing less than 100% of my time and heart.

I believe that Brutus' came to me with a purpose. A purpose that was realized and  fullfilled.


BRUTUS' LEGACY LIVES ON  -4 th annual Pit Bull Awareness day Oct 10 2011
click on picture for more info

     I will try to have faith that in time his memory will help me to continue to help others as was done in the past but right now I am just not feeling it ...my passion is just not there anymore.

     I pray that  faith and purpose will in time help my heart to be re-opened to the  two that are still with me. The two who  are so patiently  waiting for me to come back to them in the full spirit that  once was and is  meant to be.
    Moving forward with  Purpose and Faith in mind,  I hope in time  to find the strength and will to be able to make new happy memories with them so that when their time comes I wont have any regrets.

Oh Brutus , (deep sigh) even though you are not physically here ..your lessons continue to come to me.......