Saturday, October 1, 2011

2 weeks without Brutus

Brutus' Final Resting Place
                                                           
Today has been 2 weeks since our beloved Brutus left us.  The first week or so I was sooo numb and couldnt say his name without crying.  The worse days were when we had to actually let him go, when I felt his last breath , then we brought him home for his final resting place and lastly the  day I realized his crate with all his favorite blankies and Winnie the Pooh baby bumper would be forever empty. The realization of the past months, days and moments hit me like a ton of bricks...That Brutus was gone and was never coming back.

Big Bad Pit bull loved his Winnie the Pooh bumper

I will not lie, I am not a strong person and losing Bru has put me in a total state of indifference.I am still wandering the house expecting to see him. I am still extremely angry that there is such as thing as Canine Cancer , Osteosarcoma in particular. Watching my once healthy boy  weither away as he gave it  his all to stay with us and with  such dignity. Watching him deteriorate and watching him  struggle  to hang in there as long as he could totally has devastated me.  I couldnt do anything to keep him here. I couldnt help stay. I could only ease his pain by letting him go.  I know his big ,  brave and strong  heart would have battled forever so that he could stay with us  longer but his body failed hiim in the end. His body failed him way before his will did. My strong boy was so strong willed and left as he lived : a True Braveheart and  Gentleman . I wish I could be as strong as he was.  I wish that I had 1/2 the character and selfishless devotion that he gave so willingly and freely. Even though I still have two other wonderful dogs in the house..the house seems empty. I know that he was in pain and needed to go and letting him go was right for HIM, but obviously my selfishness still wants him here with me.....our house is empty and our family is broken without him.

However life has moved on with out our precious boy and a testament to that fact is that last night I found Shaft ( our 11 year old staffy mix)  laying comfortably inside of Brutus' crate, sniffing and licking the baby bumper. Where as Brutus and Ninnie found thier crates to be a place of comfort, quietness and safety,  Shaft has NEVER liked the crate, was uncomfortable in one  and would Never have anything to do with anything that constricted his movement.  So to see him  freely laying in Brutus' crate was good for the soul and an affirmation that life does go on.

Brutus may not be here in body but  will forever be in my heart and soul and his gifts to his family will never be forgotten. He was a true blessing in so many ways and brought such great joy and pride into our lives.
I am a better person because of him and I will carry that with me until I join him at the bridge.
Brutus' footprint


2 comments:

  1. I know what you're saying as we lost Milo 2 weeks ago this Thursday. I too have a partner dog but she has struggled as much as us, eating her first proper meal last night and actually playing with her toys.
    But she used to be known as Young Dog and Milo was Old Dog and she has very quickly taken on Old dog's characteristics... sleeping all the time, only wanting to be latched to my side, interested only in walking and nothing else, her opinion was that the rest of life sucked. For me, it was loneliness, expectation that Milo would come round the corner, filling up two feed-bowls, hating his absence, feeling lost.
    But it's better than it was last week and next week will be better than this week. You and I did the right thing easing our dogs' pain.
    That is the consolation.
    Best wishes. Prue Batten

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