Poem- do what must be done



                                 

Brutus looking up to heaven  

    If it should be I grow frail and weak and pain prevents my peaceful sleep
            Then you must do what must be done when this battle can't be won

            You will be sad, I understand., Selfishness might stay your hand.

      But on this day, more than the rest,Your love and friendship take the test
We've had so many happy years

                           That what's to come can hold no fears,

                                You'd not want me to suffer, so,

                             When the time comes to let me go

                           Take me where my needs they'll tend.

                                Only - stay with me until the end

                                 Hold me firm and speak to me

                                  until my eyes no longer see.

                               I know, in time, you too will see

                            It is a kindness that you do for me,

                             Although my tail Its' last has waved,

                             From pain & suffering I've been saved.

                           .We've been so close for the past 8 years

                               Don't let your heart hold any tears

Ninnie's "Nose" something is wrong (Her Lesson )

This Blog has been about Brutus. However I have 2 other dogs in our family that mean just as much to us as Brutus does :Shaft and Ninnie.

This post will be about Ninnie

I have noticed some unfamiliar behavior that she has rarely ever expedited before.

Ninnie and Brutus have always been close but I have had to separate them due to Brutus' dog aggression issues.  They get along fine until they both want to go after the same lizard and all heck breaks loose. NInnie at times can be just as dominant as Brutus ( they say females are always the dominant anyways and I tend to believe that especially with our old girl Ms Tonka .)
At this point of Brutus' illness, Ninnie is much stronger than Brutus.  I can not let another "yard incident" happen as it would not turn out well for  Brutus and may be too much for him. Even though I want them to spend more time together , it just isn't worth it .

When ever Brutus has the chance he will lay down next to Ninnie and she will lick, paw and nose sniff  at him continuously ( which she never did before ).  She has never been a big licker or groomer or one to show much emotion.  She has never been a whiner or pouter.

 She has started to urinate  in her room.  Granted I may not be spending as much time with her as I should and there has been a change in schedule due to Brutus' illness. She has always been a lady and has always held her urine until she is allowed outside.

I truly believe that  her nose  knows  that something is wrong with  Brutus and she has started preparing her self for his departure.   I also believes she feels my sadness too.

Dogs do grieve and maybe because they are so more in tuned to life, she already knows whats going on and is already in the pre-grieving stage. 

I think I need to pull my head out of my a$$ and  see that she needs me now as much as I need to cling to Brutus.  ...SO GIRLIE GIRL ..MOMMY IS GOING TO START BACK ON DAILY WALKS SO THAT WE CAN HAVE OUR "GIRLIE GIRL" TIME AGAIN. SO THAT WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER THROUGH THIS SAD ORDEAL.
Ninnie has always been my silent ROCK. She too has many lessons to teach. Her lesson to me today is to: REMEMBER THAT OTHERS WILL ALSO MOURN THE LOSS OF BRUTUS & WE NEED OTHER TO GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER


PLEASE READ MORE DOG'S GRIEVING BELOW
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How to Help By Cesar Milan

While extremely long periods of grieving aren’t normal in dogs, simply showing patience and understanding to a pet in mourning can help an anguished dog cope, suggests anthropologist and author Elizabeth Marshall Thomas.

While it’s safe to show your pet a little patience, human emotions and behaviors can also feed in to the dog’s mood or behavior, suggests Dr. Pachel. “It’s a natural human tendency to want to console, to comfort, to soothe, to nurture, yet it is possible to feed in to the negative emotional process,” Dr. Pachel says. For instance, “if the dog is reluctant to eat and then gets more attention for sitting by the bowl rather than eating that’s a great way to create a picky eater, at that point.”
Maintaining a normal routine for your pet, such as maintaining a familiar eating time or playtime, is the best way to help with the transitional process. Take a tip from animals that live in the wild. They don’t have as much time to grieve as domesticated animals, “they have to move on pretty quickly, to suck it up and keep going, just like some of us must do,” Thomas says. “This doesn’t mean that grief isn’t still with them, just that they can’t do much about it.”
In the case of an extremely depressed dog, you can also add to your dog’s normal routine to raise serotonin levels, which may have a positive impact on your dog’s behavior. A dog that doesn’t get much playtime could benefit from a short walk or exercise. Read Cesar’s ideas on how to engage in thoughtful playtime with your dog.
When one dog in a two-dog household is gravely ill, it may help for the healthier dog to be present during euthanasia, or at least for the animal to see the deceased dog’s body, says Dr. Pachel. Similarly with a dog like Hawkeye, who was able to lie near the casket of his deceased owner, if it’s a possible scenario, it just may help the dog to understand the process better.
As for getting a new pet as a replacement, it really depends on the individual situation, says Thomas. “When I’ve lost a loved one, it didn’t help me to bring in a new person as a replacement for the deceased person"
Introducing a new dog to the family during a time of transition can, in effect, establish an unconstructive dynamic in the household, explains Dr. Pachel. The owner’s attitude might change, which can create further confusion in your pet. Consistency and stability is more important for the dog who’s grieving.
As the story goes with Hawkeye, Tumilson’s hometown friend in Iowa, who had been watching the dog while Tumilson was away, adopted him. While we may not know what’s ahead for the dog who stole our hearts in late August 2011, we cannot forget his demonstration of love, loyalty and emotional depth after losing his best friend.

3 MONTHS 15 DAYS POST DIAGNOSIS

Pictures taken 8/27/11

Well, deep breath and sigh.... it is the end of August and Brutus is now 3 months 15 days post diagnosis.
2 months longer than I thought that he would be here.

(please hit the blue icon words to link to my previous blogs on these topics)

He has slowed down sooo much and the deteration is showing physically. His attitude is still strong yet not as strong as it was 3 weeks ago. He still gets up when some one is at the door but not with the same gusto as before. He lets himself be known to whom ever is there and then he goes to lay down once the all clear has been given. He still goes to the garage for our GARAGE TIME and will catch the ball maybe once or twice. He then will take the ball and go to his blanket in the living room where I will play "sit catch" with him a few more times until he has had enough. I let him go out side in the front yard with out a leash. I preach leash safety but at this point who cares ? He only stays for a few mintues before wanting to go back inside (to be fair ... it is hot outside though, 93 degrees today ). This past Monday, the Grandchilren came over and he was all excited and couldnt get or give enough kisses and it didnt bother him in the least that they were using him as thier personal pillow and tail tugging toy. ("Thump, Thump. Thump" said the Happy Tail )


An old Friend Mark Lucas came by and visited. Mark is one of the victims of Brutus' killer tail when Brutus was in his prime. Mark always enjoyed the tail whippings and commented that he was sad to see that his tail thumps weren't as strong as they used to be but was glad to see it still moving . He gave his "Buddy" a good rubbing and sweet moments of love.


The tumor is HUGE , taking up almost his whole mid leg front and back. The skin is so tight, I fear it will split open soon. If this should happen before we get "the dreaded look", Danny and I have decided that it will be the day we have to say good bye. At that point, I am sure the pain will be too much and asking him to stay any longer would be out of our pure selfishness and not what is best for him.

At this point in the game , He is not showing us any clear signs of pain .. he is only resting/sleeping more. He is not licking or biting the area, no heavy breathing or panting , doesnt seem to be restless when he rests .. which are indicators of pain. I know in my heart he is in pain but just how much , I can't determine...

Right now it is a waiting game. I fear he will not give us "THE SIGN" and we will have to make the call for him or the cancer injuries will make the call sooner than later .. I am clinging to the IF HE IS HAVING MORE BETTER DAYS THAN WORSE mantra . Yet I am trying to ready myself for what will be coming within the next week or two if not sooner.

I am thankful to have had this extra time with him and I am making sure he knows how much we love him and how precious he is to our family.

OSTEOSARCOMA SUCKS!!!! Part 1

Since the fateful day of May 12, 2011, when our vet sadly told us that Brutus indeed had Osteosarcoma I have tried to educate myself as much as possible on this horrible cancer.

Basically Osteosarcoma is a cancer that eats the bone from the inside out . Experts states its amounts to a slowing exploding bone. That amputation , chemo-radio therapy and pain meds are the only options available to treat this cancer.

Our vet said that he was not a good candidate for amputation of the leg due to Hip Dysplasia ( also found at that visit). He explained that Bru could have a life expectancy of 3-6 months. That 6 months would be pushing it. Xrays showed some specks in his lungs which means this was already metastazing. Since the surgery and treatments was something I could never afford and there was no guarantee of a cure so that option was ruled out. I also felt it would be cruel to put him though so much suffering only to have him live for maybe additional 6 -9 months. Dr Abadia was very compssionate as he recommended that I take Brutus home with a pain management plan and to spend our time together just loving him and cherishing every moment .

I left the office devastated and totally confused. Even though I am in the medical field, I have no exposure to animals cancers or even what to expect. So I hit the internet looking for any and all info on this cancer , My devastation turned to panic and fear. There was a lot of articles on the issue and even xrays to show what a vet looks for but there was not pictures available as to what to visually expect or what the stages would look like. That is why I am trying to document the changes and stages.

In the beginning Brutus only had a limp and favored his leg. The Picture above is of Brutus at 2 months post diagnosis. The boney tumor is starting to show and he only could minimal weight on his leg. He would still walk on it and would slightly pull it up when he was stationary

Today is 3 months post diagnosis ( see part two on next psot) and even though he is slowing down , he is still with us, wants to be with us and is in minimal pain....if thats all he can do... then I will TAKE IT !!!!