4 months since Brutus Passed away.....

Yesterday was 4 months since my beloved Bru Boy slipped away from me. The pain in my heart is still very raw but it is getting better.  It is getting better because I know that I gave him an awesome home , he was completely &  unconditionally loved for who and what he was  and in the end I did the right thing by him by letting him slip away into peace and away from all the pain he was going through.

Yesterday,  Me and his Sister Ninnie took a long walk in the woods with my one of my closest friends and her handsome boy Maverick.  Maverick  has many of the same traits as Brutus did. Seeing Maverick majestically walk in the woods,  proudly and unapologeticlly showing his  gameness when he heard an animal in the brush. It  made me think of Brutus' strong constitution and zest for life.

Today I  have slight silent tears and not the full on hysterical cries of a few months ago. I now can fondly remember my boy and all the joy he brought into my life.....the sorrow is less and the memories are PURE JOY AND  filled with GRATITUDE......

New Year 2012..this time last year..

Brutus sitting on top of couch afraid of fire works

01-01- 20012   12:05pm
My Dear Sweet boy Brutus,

As the New Year of 2012 rings in with great sounds of fireworks , my heart begins to wonder to last year's ringing in of 2011. I remember that this time last year you cowered next to me and was my shadow companion for hours because my big bad pit bull was afraid of all the noises and big bangs.  I would laugh that  I was protecting you/ keeping you calm and not vice versa. But I loved it and  it was something that became an annual event for us and quite frankly I looked forward to .  It was our special moments.

This time last year...losing you was never even a thought in my mind.

As I sit here on the couch and the clock reaches 12:00 midnight , a great sadness has overcome me. This year the house is quiet even though the celebrations outside are in full force. Daddy is at work and I am sitting here on the couch with my blankie, watching a marathon TV show and I am painfully  here with out my shadow partner. I have walked to the fridge numerous time expecting to see your nose pop up between my legs as if you want to hide in the fridge as you always did. I expected my bathroom buddy sitting on my feet as I sat on the toilet. I am expecting to trip over you as I walk back to the couch because you would practically lean into until we got back to the couch and under the covers.

 All the nosie and commotion does not bother Shaft or Ninnie. They do not need me to comfort them, nor are they acting like they care If I am even in the house. (maybe they are feeling the same way)....

01-01-2012  9:30am
When I went to bed last night your handsome serious face was on mind and my last thoughts before I feel asleep was  DAMN!!.. This time last year...losing you was never even a thought in my mind.

This morning I woke with you on my mind ... even though my heart is heavy and I miss you terribly, I smile a bittersweet smile as I am so thankful to have had those special moments mentioned above with you and thankful that I had you in my life.
 .

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT RAINBOW BRIDGE

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT RAINBOW BRIDGE

'Twas the night before Christmas, at Rainbow Bridge too.
We Bridgekids were thinking as always of you.
We'd seen how the holidays weren't bright this year,
... Heard you whisper so often, "I wish you were here!"

We know how you wish you could just stay in bed
And sleep through the holiday lying ahead,
When all celebrate with their loved ones so near...
Unless they have loved ones on this side this year.

But we're no less alive here, on the other side.
If you could just see us, you'd've laughed and not cried.
The dogs all in harness, pulling the sleigh.
The cats all in Santa hats pointing the way.

The pet birds all flying back over the rainbow,
Bound homeward in spite of Earth's darkness and snow.
All the pets that you've lost, pets for whom you've cried,
Flying home on this Christmas to be by your side.

If you feel warm fur brush you when no pet's around,
Hear a soft bark or purr, just a ghost of a sound,
We're trying to tell you we're visiting this way,
And our visits, even rainbows, can be on any day.

But for Christmas we have something special to do,
A sleighful of happy dream visits for you.
On doggy, on kitty, on winged friend and ferret!
The love that you lavished, we mean now to share it!

We're fetching that love home, the way we once played,
With the closeness we shared and the memories we made.
Our Earth lives with you were too short for us, too,
And on this Christmas Eve we have so much to do.

So all through this night as you sleep in your beds,
Sweet visions of furbabies dance in your heads.
This one special night we can bring you Home for a while,
Your true home in Heaven, where again you will smile.

Over the rainbow you'll fly, for a short while this night,
Hours that you'll be happy, hours that will feel right,
Hours to cuddle and hug us, to run and to play,
Before the return to Earth in our magic way.

And when you awaken and face Christmas Day,
We pray you'll remember your trip on our sleigh,
But in case you forget, just remember our love.
Remember us watching you, your angels above.

Sending love wrapped in rainbows, shining and bright,
Love that will guide you through the darkest night,
Love found in each memory unwrapped through the year,
Replacing dark sorrows with Christmas cheer.

Leave the toys to St. Nick, we Bridgekids bring dreams,
Sweet visits to remind you all is not as it seems
When you look all around you with tired Earthly eyes.
If you saw as we do, there'd be joy and surprise.

There are furangels waiting by those Christmas trees,
Always there for you and hearing your pleas.
We're never more than a thought away from your home,
You're never forgotten, you're never alone.

Nor are we alone here, with our Rainbow Bridge friends.
We know only joy here, the celebrating never ends,
And after our reunions with you Christmas Eve,
We Bridgekids will party like you'd never believe.

But we'll slip away often to be by your side.
Sitting there watching you, eyes open wide,
Praying you'll be able to catch a glimpse of us, too.
But whether or not you see us - Merry Christmas to you!

Cindy Morgan (2007)
http://www.lighthouseport.com/christmas.html

Christmas without Brutus -again CANCER SUCKS!!

THIS IS MY FIRST CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY WITH OUT  MY BRUTUS AND TO BE HONEST IT TOTALLY SUCKS!!!

The grandchildren found his Elf hat he wore every year hidden in my decorations and it was every thing I could not to lose it front of them. 

He hated putting the hat on but loyalty kept it on until I took it off of him. 

I miss him so much!! Tears all over the place !!! 

OSTEOSARCOMA
CANCER SUCKS!!!

3 months since Bru "SLIPPED AWAY"

This pretty much says it all.....

2 Months with out Brutus

                                                   

                                              
                                                                    



                                                  MY FOREVER FRIEND

                                             I know that it must be different

                                         Now that  I am no longer here.

                                         I realize how much I was loved

                                         and how all of you did care.

                                           I know it will be hard at first

                                        when you look around for me.

                                        Expecting to find me in my bedroom
                                        or me sucking on my favorite blankie.
                                           Someday you will begin to see,

                                       Although it’ll take some time,

                                       The happy times you shared with me

                                       The memories are yours and mine.

                                            I’ll remember you my family,

                                      and how much you meant to me.

                                     So please don’t grieve and don’t be sad,

                                     Because It was just my time to leave

2 months ...deep beath and sigh....and a little smile at the corner of my lips.

I read a wonderful  blog that talks about "wiethering the storm " of the passing of a beloved pet. It was helpful for me to realize it is OK for me to feel so much sorrow and pain and that sooner or later the sorrow will turn to smiles and fond memories.

The last 6 months has been a true life lesson in so many ways. To this day Brutus' lessons are still showing up in small wonderous ways.

Life has moved forward without our Beloved Bru in our physical presence but he has been here spiritually. Ninnie has been jumping up on the foyer table where Bru's  remains and pictures are . She has never done this before. (again somehow dogs know and I think she smells his collars)

As time has passed , I have gained a lot of perspective.  I can now look back and be more focused on  all the wonderful things he brought into our lives and not so focused on  why or how he left us.  I can look back and see how blessed we were to have him in our lives the past 8 years and his many lessons he unknowingly bestow upon us.  I want to focus on the positive, fun and good stuff and not staying negatively and dwelling  in the past. He didnt live that way neither should I.


Even though I thought the horrendeous pain of missing him would never end , the days are getting easier and the happy thoughts of Brutus are more and more frequent and the pain of the loss a tiny bit less. His family is on the path of healing and moving forward without as much guilt as we know we did our best for him . I know in my heart that he had a wonderful home, filled with so much love, kindness and care. His family loved him, His Gboyz loved him as well as so many others. He will never be forgotten.  He and his legacy will live on in our hearts forever.

Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead, young and whole once more. "God speed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.


-- Author Unknown


** side note to Brutus *I still miss you terriably and sure do miss your licky loo kisses and the thumping of yourtail but  I can now remember it with smiles instead of a tears.  There is still a faint smell of your scent in the house and on your pillow and  blankey and it no longer brings me pain but  comfort.  When I hear the windchimes chiming outside I know it is you telling me that you and MsTonka are running and playing without pain while getting along with other dogs. I miss you my sweet boy. I pray to see you again someday but until then I promise to always carry you in my memories and heart for ever.  I will forever love and miss my BRU - BOO-BOO

RIP SWEET LONDON: Lessons from London and Brutus

                                                     RIP  London Antonio Jimenez-Caride
                                                         Grandma's Little Grand-Paws
                                                                       10-25-2011

Last night 10-25-2011 was an eye opener and because of some  of Brutus' lesson we were able to cope with a tragedy that came our way with heavy hearts but semi-clear minds:...

My son Daniels dog, London,  a minature yorkie who weighed about 5 lbs but full of attitude and love   was killed by another dog last night. It was an "accident" as the other dog's leash/collar broke  and  the  dog's  natural prey drive kicked in and he went after London.  In a dogs eye a small black object moving in the dark could be a rabbit or squirrel ect. Unfortunately within seconds , it only took one slap of its big paw and one bite to end this precious little dogs life .

My son is devastateded and I feel his pain very deeply as London  my GRANDPAWS. London will be sorely missed. He was such a cute, loving  and very well behaved dog.  He came into my sons life as a stray and was the light of my son and his partners lives.  I am not a big fan of small dogs but this little guy won my heart over instantly. There are no exact words to express the feelings that our family is feeling over the loss of  this sweet little guy.

I was so proud of my son, through his grief he was still  able to comfort the other owner who was freaking out, who was so upset and in shock at what his dog had just done and extremely remorseful over the loss of London . The owner kept saying that his dog is so sweet and has never had any issues before but now he will need to put his dog down because he has "turned" vicious.  Daniel begged him NOT to take such rash actions because his dog was just being a dog. That his dog was NOT vicious. That dogs are animals and he was sure that the other dog was only doing what animalistically comes naturally to them even if he never showed an ounce of prey drive before.  Daniel begged and pleaded for him not to put his dog down.

As devastating as it is to have lost London in such a manner we hope this owner uses this as a wake up call to educate himself on this issue so that London's death will not be in vain. Unfortunately sometimes it takes things like this to happen before you are forced to  learn about a subject that may have never crossed ones mind before. I truly believe that you dont know, what you dont know until the lesson has been brought to your attention. I hope this lesson will be truly learned and retained and maybe retaught to others..."When you know better ..you do better".

The lesson from Brutus here is that years ago  he taught our family so much on the issue of DOG ON DOG matters. He taught us the lessons we needed to learn on this issues. He made us educate ourselves on these issues  and that  you may never see an ounce of any of these but if you do it is right then and there you need to  step up to the plate and educate yourself  on the issue. He taught us how important it is to be a responisble owner, take the time to truly know your dogs temperment, body langauge and to train yourself and them. He also taught  what letting your dog be a dog and not humanizing them is all about.  I truly believe that because of Brutus' lessons, Daniel was able to handle this situation with such grace and dignity.

EDUCATION TIME:

There is a big difference between Prey drive, Dog on Dog  Aggression and DOG ON HUMAN AGGRESSION

All dogs have some level of Prey drive... lizard stalking , frog catching , bird and squirrell chasing .. all  are signs of prey drive. To think your dog does not is unrealistic.

High prey drive and dog on dog aggression DOES NOT MEAN YOUR DOG IS VICIOUS OR DANGEROUS !!!  An owner should  NOT ignore this as there are things you can do to prevent further issues. Protecting your dog and protecting others dogs should be top priorty . If your dog shows human aggression that is totally different  ball game  and the owner needs to make a commitment to address this behavior and  seek professional help right away. EDUCATION , EDUCATION, EDUCATION!!

Brutus' and now London also have taught us that no matter how much we try to humanize our dogs they are infact animals and as animals should be viewed and treated as such. That dogs will be dogs and most assuredly  animalistic behavior will win over our humanistic behavior almost every time.  It is the circle of life.

Good Bye my sweet little Guy, go run and play with Ms Tonka and Brutus at Heavens Bridge.


LONDON ANTONIO JIMENEZ

10-25-2011.