In my dreams

4/17/12
Last night before I feel asleep I asked Brutus to come to me in my dreams.

It was a strange dream where a Blue Jay was fluttering around all over the place but would calm down for us to hold him. By us I mean the grandchildren and my husband.

Then a wolfish german shepherd dog appeared that turned into a black and tan wolf rottiwieler. But the eyes were Brutus’……everything that I felt in my body during the dream told me it was Brutus ..maybe he has taken on a different form or he is telling me he is enjoying his afterlife with these other spirits.. All I know that what ever the dream meant it made me feel good when I woke up and I felt a sense of peace for him and for me. 

So thank you Brutus for visiting me and letting me feel your love again

7 Months -Sweet Sweet Memories

Today marks the 7th month without our Bru Boy physically being in our presence.
He may not be in our physical presence but he is always carried in our hearts.
I still think of my boy often and still tear up from time to time.

This pasted weekend I was doing some spring cleaning and I  came across some old pictures in a box in the closet and  they are pictures of Brutus as a Puppy. One shows  him laying on his Daddy's belly at estimated age of 6 months and others are him hanging out and having a good time with his older Brother Shaft.   

Brutus was such a handsome boy with such "awesome and unusual markings', as I was told by so many people who knew the breed much better than I.

I also found his first Ribbon that he ever won at his very first MFAPBTA show... date 7/172005... I will never forget that day. He held himself in such high esteem and had no problem telling the other dogs who he was and what he was all about.  The judge was James Rogers ( a true dog man of the breed). James loved how Bru was so proud of himself , his nice chest and markings. He kept telling Bru to "Tell em like it is..tell them who you are.. now thats fine Bulldog" ....  He took 3rd place in a ring of about 8 other long time shown dogs. Not bad for his first showing ever......

One things for sure Brutus never had a problem with
"Telling em who HE WAS "....               

Sweet Sweet memories for sure !!!

Remembering my Warrior Brutus- Telling his story

I have always said to TELL ONES STORY SO THAT THIER MEMORY NEVER FADES..

I watched this movie today and it reminded me of my Brutus and his courageous battle with cancer.
It reminded me how he lived his life with such dignity and fierce loyatly. 
He was my WARRIOR!!!

 "Remember"
By Josh Groban

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me

I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun

I'm with you
Whenever you tell, my story
For I am all I've done
Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Remember me

I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky

As long as I still can reach out, and touch you
Then I will never die

Remember, I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me

Remember me...

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me

Remember me
Remember... me

Paw of love ...

Thinking of you today- THE NOTE PAD

I came across an note pad that I had by my bed. It has been there since you before you passed.

I was thumbing through it and found one page some notes that kinda took my breath away...
the notes where of your activity for two days .. Sept 4 and  5, 2011 .

notes verbatim:

9/4/11 Sunday
Rose visited
He barked at the kids outside
Danny says he thinks things are getting worse and its getting bigger.

Rose came to say good bye as she knew it wouldnt be long before Brutus would leave us

9/5/2011
100 mg Gabopentin  50mg rimadyl
10" circ
lower leg and foot 5 1/2 circ
foot swollen
Ate: both morning /night meals ...cookies
played ball outside ran chase after ball with great strength
_________________
Urinated and bowel movement x2
jumped up on couch to sleep
1pm went for front yard walk
got his blie squeeky and jumped into bed.
didnt want to stand up to eat evening meal- hand feeding all (1/2 special moment 1/2 nursing care)

another page obvious written before this one says
Brtuus
Bru-ti-ful
Boo-ya theres my nose

another page  and another unbreathable moment and I am thinking to myself right now that
DAMN IT! DAMN IT ! DAMN IT!!!  I couldnt keep the cancer from hurting you .... you always stood by me when I had bad days and being bi polar I had many... you always protected me but I failed to protect you.

This is what was written on the page.  A song by the Pretenders called "I"ll Stand By You "..
on the page ...in my handwritting ...
I'll stand by you even in your darkest hours
I wont let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

Sweet memories of Young Brutus

5 months since Bru slipped away

My dearest Brutus ..

It has been more than 5 months since my boy Brutus passed away .
Life has gone on without him but the great memories are with me always. I still find myself from time to time getting misty eyed and wishing he was here. But the pain of losing him is now a little more bearable. I still find myself clinging to his memories and instead of crying I find myself smiling more and more at the mention of his name.

My 4 year old  grandson Brian always tells me that he "misses Boo- Boo and wishes he  could see him again." He laughs and tells me how Boo-Boo's tail was so funny..and that he misses his tail.  (Brutus' tail was a true tail of fast love thumps and his licks where almost too too much )