5 months since Bru slipped away

My dearest Brutus ..

It has been more than 5 months since my boy Brutus passed away .
Life has gone on without him but the great memories are with me always. I still find myself from time to time getting misty eyed and wishing he was here. But the pain of losing him is now a little more bearable. I still find myself clinging to his memories and instead of crying I find myself smiling more and more at the mention of his name.

My 4 year old  grandson Brian always tells me that he "misses Boo- Boo and wishes he  could see him again." He laughs and tells me how Boo-Boo's tail was so funny..and that he misses his tail.  (Brutus' tail was a true tail of fast love thumps and his licks where almost too too much )

Sometimes.......

I tell myself that things are getting better and life is  moving on. I tell myself all the right things.things we all tell each and lies we tell ourselves  so that e can keep moving forward in this life. I tell myself these things so that I can make it  with out my BRU..but sometimes..sometimes

Some times ...
I regress and lay in bed and just cry... even though Brutus' sister has now taken his spot in my bed everynight I still wake up and think I smell him and am reaching for him.  In the wee hours of the morning is when I become the most meloncohly .

Some times....
 the meloncholy comes over me when I am in the car driving my one hour drive from home and the radio starts playing a certain song... the tears flow like rain.   ......

4 months since Brutus Passed away.....

Yesterday was 4 months since my beloved Bru Boy slipped away from me. The pain in my heart is still very raw but it is getting better.  It is getting better because I know that I gave him an awesome home , he was completely &  unconditionally loved for who and what he was  and in the end I did the right thing by him by letting him slip away into peace and away from all the pain he was going through.

Yesterday,  Me and his Sister Ninnie took a long walk in the woods with my one of my closest friends and her handsome boy Maverick.  Maverick  has many of the same traits as Brutus did. Seeing Maverick majestically walk in the woods,  proudly and unapologeticlly showing his  gameness when he heard an animal in the brush. It  made me think of Brutus' strong constitution and zest for life.

Today I  have slight silent tears and not the full on hysterical cries of a few months ago. I now can fondly remember my boy and all the joy he brought into my life.....the sorrow is less and the memories are PURE JOY AND  filled with GRATITUDE......

New Year 2012..this time last year..

Brutus sitting on top of couch afraid of fire works

01-01- 20012   12:05pm
My Dear Sweet boy Brutus,

As the New Year of 2012 rings in with great sounds of fireworks , my heart begins to wonder to last year's ringing in of 2011. I remember that this time last year you cowered next to me and was my shadow companion for hours because my big bad pit bull was afraid of all the noises and big bangs.  I would laugh that  I was protecting you/ keeping you calm and not vice versa. But I loved it and  it was something that became an annual event for us and quite frankly I looked forward to .  It was our special moments.

This time last year...losing you was never even a thought in my mind.

As I sit here on the couch and the clock reaches 12:00 midnight , a great sadness has overcome me. This year the house is quiet even though the celebrations outside are in full force. Daddy is at work and I am sitting here on the couch with my blankie, watching a marathon TV show and I am painfully  here with out my shadow partner. I have walked to the fridge numerous time expecting to see your nose pop up between my legs as if you want to hide in the fridge as you always did. I expected my bathroom buddy sitting on my feet as I sat on the toilet. I am expecting to trip over you as I walk back to the couch because you would practically lean into until we got back to the couch and under the covers.

 All the nosie and commotion does not bother Shaft or Ninnie. They do not need me to comfort them, nor are they acting like they care If I am even in the house. (maybe they are feeling the same way)....

01-01-2012  9:30am
When I went to bed last night your handsome serious face was on mind and my last thoughts before I feel asleep was  DAMN!!.. This time last year...losing you was never even a thought in my mind.

This morning I woke with you on my mind ... even though my heart is heavy and I miss you terribly, I smile a bittersweet smile as I am so thankful to have had those special moments mentioned above with you and thankful that I had you in my life.
 .

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT RAINBOW BRIDGE

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT RAINBOW BRIDGE

'Twas the night before Christmas, at Rainbow Bridge too.
We Bridgekids were thinking as always of you.
We'd seen how the holidays weren't bright this year,
... Heard you whisper so often, "I wish you were here!"

We know how you wish you could just stay in bed
And sleep through the holiday lying ahead,
When all celebrate with their loved ones so near...
Unless they have loved ones on this side this year.

But we're no less alive here, on the other side.
If you could just see us, you'd've laughed and not cried.
The dogs all in harness, pulling the sleigh.
The cats all in Santa hats pointing the way.

The pet birds all flying back over the rainbow,
Bound homeward in spite of Earth's darkness and snow.
All the pets that you've lost, pets for whom you've cried,
Flying home on this Christmas to be by your side.

If you feel warm fur brush you when no pet's around,
Hear a soft bark or purr, just a ghost of a sound,
We're trying to tell you we're visiting this way,
And our visits, even rainbows, can be on any day.

But for Christmas we have something special to do,
A sleighful of happy dream visits for you.
On doggy, on kitty, on winged friend and ferret!
The love that you lavished, we mean now to share it!

We're fetching that love home, the way we once played,
With the closeness we shared and the memories we made.
Our Earth lives with you were too short for us, too,
And on this Christmas Eve we have so much to do.

So all through this night as you sleep in your beds,
Sweet visions of furbabies dance in your heads.
This one special night we can bring you Home for a while,
Your true home in Heaven, where again you will smile.

Over the rainbow you'll fly, for a short while this night,
Hours that you'll be happy, hours that will feel right,
Hours to cuddle and hug us, to run and to play,
Before the return to Earth in our magic way.

And when you awaken and face Christmas Day,
We pray you'll remember your trip on our sleigh,
But in case you forget, just remember our love.
Remember us watching you, your angels above.

Sending love wrapped in rainbows, shining and bright,
Love that will guide you through the darkest night,
Love found in each memory unwrapped through the year,
Replacing dark sorrows with Christmas cheer.

Leave the toys to St. Nick, we Bridgekids bring dreams,
Sweet visits to remind you all is not as it seems
When you look all around you with tired Earthly eyes.
If you saw as we do, there'd be joy and surprise.

There are furangels waiting by those Christmas trees,
Always there for you and hearing your pleas.
We're never more than a thought away from your home,
You're never forgotten, you're never alone.

Nor are we alone here, with our Rainbow Bridge friends.
We know only joy here, the celebrating never ends,
And after our reunions with you Christmas Eve,
We Bridgekids will party like you'd never believe.

But we'll slip away often to be by your side.
Sitting there watching you, eyes open wide,
Praying you'll be able to catch a glimpse of us, too.
But whether or not you see us - Merry Christmas to you!

Cindy Morgan (2007)
http://www.lighthouseport.com/christmas.html

Christmas without Brutus -again CANCER SUCKS!!

THIS IS MY FIRST CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY WITH OUT  MY BRUTUS AND TO BE HONEST IT TOTALLY SUCKS!!!

The grandchildren found his Elf hat he wore every year hidden in my decorations and it was every thing I could not to lose it front of them. 

He hated putting the hat on but loyalty kept it on until I took it off of him. 

I miss him so much!! Tears all over the place !!! 

OSTEOSARCOMA
CANCER SUCKS!!!

3 months since Bru "SLIPPED AWAY"

This pretty much says it all.....