8 months.. He must have seen me struggling

My Dear Sweet Bru…

Brutus at approx 3 months

It has been 8 months since we said good bye and my heart broke.  I thought I would never get over the horrible pain of losing you.

To this day I still carry that pain in my heart and tear up when I think of how brave you were during your battle to live .  I truly believe that you stayed for all long as you could as you knew that I needed you.

I always needed you much more than you ever needed me.  I look back and think of how selfish I was to make you endure such pain. 

These past few months have been really hard without you . When Ms Tonka’s 6 th anniversary of her death came by on April 10^th I thought to myself that time does heal the pain  yet I couldn’t and didn’t even want to entertain the thought of still being with out you in 6 years…

I was missing you so much and still do , but for a while there I couldn’t move forward, I wouldn’t open my heart to any one or anything and  I closed out the world while living in fear of feeling ever again. I only wanted to stay within the high walls that I had built around me. I was having such a hard time letting you truly go.

You must have felt me struggling and  you sent me a sign and a blessing:

On April 23^rd     a new soul came into our lives  and the way he came to us has made me believe 100% that this soul was sent by you. The way it all came about .. I KNOW IT WAS YOU .. you gave me a sign that it is ok to move forward, not to let go but to move forward. I know it was your  big heart  who put  a little puppy that  needed us in our arms.  A puppy that truly needed us  and we truly needed him.

Bishop age 3 months

Strangely this new little one has many of your traits and handsome features.  The one that struck me the most was the spot on his belly .. just like yours.  He seems to be a deep thinker just like you. He has a pink spot in his nose and white chest and white tip on his tail.  I know he is not you but I think a bit of him is from you.

He will never , ever in a million years  take your place .. but he is helping us to remember and honor your life . Honor your life and your lessons by moving forward and trying our best to pass those lessons on to BISHOP BRU JIMENEZ.

I promise to do better with him.  Because of you I KNOW BETTER.. and when you know better ..you ultimately do better.

This time I hope to get it "right" !!!  Remembering your lessons I am sure I will not fail.

*********

Daddy told me the other day that when he was outside with Bishop that  he looked up into the heavens  and with a tear in his eye he whispered  “THANK YOU BUBBA”….. (T’was a big step for your daddy)..I have not seen any joy on your daddys face since you have left us... and this present from you has helped him too .... Even though you are no longer physically with us, your spirit , kindness and lesson seems to live on in some pretty amazing ways.......

Daddy and Bishop