Omg ..My heart just sank.. and tears are all over the place. I am sitting in Brutus' and Ninnies room and I just realized Bru's crate is empty and it will forever remain empty. His Winnie the Pooh crib bumper is still in the crate ..GOD DAMN IT !!!
Today is one week since our beloved Brutus left us.
Our house is so quiet without him. When Shaft barks theres only one dog barking. Brutus is not there to try to "out do" his barks any more and keep the volley of barks going . Ninnie sniffs constantly for him and at first wasnt eating..
about a week before Bru left us ....I know can see what I didnt want to see
On Wednesday Sept 21st, Brutus came home one last time. He now sits on top of my front entry foyer table for all to see when they come in. He will always be there to greet all that come in. . He sits right next to Ms Tonka. I hope he has found her at the bridge and they are having a great time playing and licking each other.
The days have been a blur and my heart screams
"IT"S NOT RIGHT ..HE SHOULD BE HERE WITH US"!!!
I am still in a state of denial , anger , saddness, shame and numbness. Denial- as I feel he is just somewhere else and he will be home soon. Anger- as to why my young 8 year old boy is not here with us. Angry that my prayers for a miracle didnt happen. Angry that my boy had to die from cancer and not of old age. Sadness- that he is not here physically with us any more. Sad that there was not more "time" to go walking, to "go to the garage" to go out side, to have another night of bed time rituals. Sadness that I couldnt do more for him. Sadness that when our daily rain storms come he is not seeking refuge under my feet. Sadness that life is going to go on with out him. Shame - that my denial to see how physically bad he truly was and how much he was truly suffering, ashamed that that I let him suffer so long , i only wanted to see hiss love, his bravery , strength to hold on for me and not see his pain....all because I was selfish and I was afraid to let him go. Numbness- the pain of losing him and him not being here has made me numb. The numbness is not allowing me to let go.Numb to opening my heart up again. The numbness that is not allowing myself to get too too close to Ninnie and Shaft.
I am torn between 1. being glad he's out of pain , at peace and 2. question God why he took him from me at such a young age.
One minute I tell myself that we did what was right for him as he was in pain , pain that until the last few days he did not want us to see, pain that made my strong stoic boy frail and weak. I tell myself that he is no longer in pain and we did "right " by him by letting him go.
Then the next mintue I am crying and missing him terriably. I tell myself that I let him linger too long in such pain. How selfish I was for being in such deep denial and how selfish I was to try cling to him and to keep him here.
Then I pull myself together and tell myself that we gave him peace from all his pain, gave him a good and loving home. That he knew we loved him and that he was the light of our lives. That he knew his purpose was to be our companion and protector.
I am thankful that he came into our lives and that he left willing and quietly with such grace and dignity.
I need to some how pull myself out of this dark space and continue to live with as much honor, grace and dignity as he did . ... to honor his life by living and remembering all the good times and how much love and happiness he brought into our lives and the lives of many others.
A gentleman always knows when it is time to leave.
I knew this week would be the last week we would have with our beloved Brutus.
Yesterday he was having a REALLY BAD DAY. His tumor had gotten so much bigger in such a few days. He was sleeping more than being awake. He was still eating but he wasnt drinking. He had life in him but a very diminshed life. He was being very brave.
Yesterday day , I took him to the Vet. He was running a very high fever and he exhibiting signs of being in severe pain. Our vet advised us to take him home for the night to spend one last night with him as it is time to say good bye. We set the "last appointment" for 9:30am the next morning. Saying good bye at our house was no longer an option due to the fevers. I again begged God for the miracle that he so deserved. To either save him from this horrible cancer or to at least let him leave us peacefully in his sleep at home and not in vets office in which he was sometimes afraid at .
When we got home, I gave Brutus the prednisone that his Doctor had given us and I wet him down from head to toe and paced him on the couch with a cool wet blanket trying in vain to bring his temperture down.(see below). I didnt care that my couch was being ruined by the water. I hand feed him water cupped in my hands. He drank a whole bowl plus he was continuously licking the soaked wet towels that I had wrapped around his wrists. Due to his body heat the towels were dry in no time and I had to douse them over and over in my vain efforts to keep him at a lower temperature. The cancer was over taking his body and the fevers were a definate enemy. The picture below says it all. He had never hung over the couch in such a manner before this night.
Brutus' last night (feeling really bad)
He was on and off very listless and he finally went to lay down him his room. He barely licked the lotion off my hands as he did every night since he was a puppy. I noticed that his good leg was laying on top of the tumor and when I moved his leg to place a pillow between the legs I was forced to comes to grips with this big ugly thing on his leg and how this tumor was eating away my dogs body and spirit. I laid down at the foot of the bed with him and held him tight. I prayed once more but I knew right then and there that Brutus' miracle would not come and tomorrow I would have to thank him for being so brave and then help him out of all his suffering. I believe that I cried myself to sleep.
Sept 16th 7:30am
He woke up at about 7:30 am , and seemed to be better. His fever had subsided somewhat yet the tumor was very hot to the touch . He went outside to do his buisness and I hand feed him some more water.
My Son Brian, his wife and the 3 grandboys came over around 8:00 am.The G-boys didnt know it was Brutus' last day and we didnt tell them. We want them to only have untainted memories of Bru. Brutus got up and did his "protection bark" and once he saw the kids he did his licking routine and then went to lay down by one of his favorite spots by the door. Another sign that he was leaving us, as even a a few weeks ago you couldnt keep Bru off the grandbabies and his super duper happy tail was something the kids tried desparately to stay away from as they would go home with brusies.
The G-boys helped me feed Brutus his usual Meatballs and wet food and he ate it very well.
I was thinking to myself that it seems that dogs always get better or act better the day you decide you need to let them go. My husband says it the same with humans... that we feel bad but when we see the doctor usually we dont feel bad anymore .
Brutus' last picture, even though he could barely stand he went outside to say one last good bye to his G boys
During the G-boys visit Brutus was in and out of sleep. He did get up to go outside with the G-boys when they were leaving . It felt like he couldnt let them down. That he had to be strong and proud for them. As soon as the G-boys left, he went back into the house and laid down for the last few times on his pile of pillows and blankies that have been in the middle of the living room the past 4 months.
9:00AM
Brutus was resting on his pile of blankies when he all of a sudden he jumped up and started barking at the door. It was my best friend Debbie. Once he saw her, he gave her a Quick lick or two and he headed back to the pillow pile. Debbie had come to help us say good bye and to just be there for Bru if need be.
Debbie and Bru at the Park June 2011
9:10AM
While Bru was lying on "His Pile" he started whining and started staring out toward the front door. He whined and bark that sounded very much like a " semi- protection" whine. He was staring intently at the front door so I asked him if he wanted to go outside. He got up and went out the front door to the drive way and just stared at it . Looking like he was searching or expecting to find something. He was still whining a little bit. A few seconds later I heard the sound of a base booming car and then out of no where I saw my son Brian driving towards our house. Brutus was doing a happy whine. It was as if he knew Brian was coming and that he had to get to him...his boy came back for him.
Brian and Brutus 2005
I will never forget it.. as Brian was getting out of the car Brutus wobbled over to him. DOGS KNOW.
Brian had come back as he said he had to help us say good-bye and after all it was he and his father who had picked Brutus out of the litter and Brian helped his Dad pay for him . He felt since he was there in the beginning that it only be fitting that he be with him in the end.
Brutus came back into the house and laid back down oh his pile for the last time
9:30AM
It was time for us to leave but my husband was stalling. He didnt want to do it. He kept saying "its whats best for Bubba".. if it was up to him he would keep him until he died as home. He was battling him self. but he eventually got up off the couch and we started our way on Brutus' final car ride.
9:45ish
We arrived at the Vets office and Bru was in semi good spirits but you can tell he was oh so tired. When the nurse called us into the room, I placed Brutus' favorite blanket and pillow on the ground and he promptly laid down on them with out me having to ask. It was like he knew. He wasnt afraid. He laid down like he knew what was going on and he was ready and it was ok. He looked so frail and weak. My son and husband were loving on him but they couldnt handle it and had to leave. So my best Friend Debbie came in to help me say goodbye. I layed down next to Boo in a spooning position and held him him tight. I told him how much I loved him and how much he will be missed. The nurse came in and gave him his sedative as we both layed on the ground together. He only slightly reacted to the injection. I started to cry . He layed his head back in my arms and didnt fight it. As if he was saying "its ok Mommy and thank you" for releiving him of this pain and suffering . I was crying even harder. I made sure that my face was what he saw, the last vision he saw before he was gone. I breathed him in and stroked his beautiful reddish orange and white hair. I kissed his pink nose. I was telling him how brave he was , how much I loved him, will miss him, thanked him for all the lessons and blessing he gave us. The doctor came in and kindly waited for me to say ok. By this time even though Brutus' eyes were still open he was snoring. I knew he was sedated really good and I gave the doc the ok. This is where I began to lose it as I knew this was the end. Still laying next to him ,I held him so close to me and kept telling him that I loved him. I felt his last heart beat and him take his last breath. I felt his body go limp. I felt the Doc putting the stethoscope to his chest and then I totally lost it. HE WAS GONE. MY BRU WAS FOREVER GONE . I felt like I was screaming for him to come back. I cried uncontrollably as I buried my head into the side of his head. Debbie was trying her best to console me. There was no consoling me. This was an unbareable pain. After a few mintues ,when I couldnt breath from crying so hard I looked up and saw the Doc's eyes and they were watering. I knew Brutus was gone and sat up to catch my breath. Finally I got up to tell my husband and son that he was gone and they went into the room to see him as I asked the nurse if I could have some shavings of Brutus' hair. He looked like he was peacefully sleeping but I knew that he was forever gone from this world.
Faithful Friends Pet Cremation had 2 lovely ladies who came to pick Brutus up and I couldnt have asked for better. They came in to the room prior to Brutus being sedated and loved on him and blessed him , even though they never had met him before. They were the top of professionals. They were so respectful and caring of his body and was so gentle with him. They genlty wrapped Brutus up to his nose in his blankie with his blue doll baby and placed him on the stretcher. My husband and son carried him out to the awaiting company car. We said our final good byes and I kissed his pink nose one last time . The lovely ladies promised me that they would take great care of him and in my heart I knew he was in good hands. This helped make it easier to let him go.
Brutus passed away peacefully in my arms. Such bittersweet and precious moments. Even though I wasnt ready, he was ....HE WAS NOT AFRAID. He knew it was his time to go. He passed away with the same GRACE AND DIGNITY AS HE LIVED. A gentleman always knows when it is time to leave.
********* Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead, young and whole once more. "God speed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again. -- Author Unknown
9:15 AM
Brutus is leaving us. He no longer sucks on his beloved pillow or blankets. When some one comes to the door he does not runs to the door to do "Protection Duty". He half barks 1/2 howl/whines as if he wants to get up from his spot but just doesnt have the engery to do so or that it hurts too much . I sure do miss that loud strong bark of his. He has not played or chewed on his squeeky blue doll baby in a few days. He will get up to go out side but only want to be there for a few moments. He did go out side to eat some grass. I have always thought he was a half dog half cow. He did eat last night and drank some water from his bowl last night but I had to help him drink when I first got home. He rarely sleeps under my blanket anymore.
I told Brutus last night that it was ok for him to leave , that he has been very brave but it is ok to let go and not to stay just because I have been begging God to help him, that I will be ok. That I will miss him terriably but he needed to be strong enough to let go. I told him what a wonderful boy he has been and I thanked him for being such a wonderful light in my live. That no other dog will or could ever take his place. I promised to take care of Ninnie for him. I promised to take care of Daddy for him.
To please let go and be at peace. He lifted his head , licked my face and layed his head back down.
I woke quite a few times last night to hear him quietly and very slowly breathing.
This morning before I left for work he did not get out of bed or hold his head up to say good bye . I kissed him on his head and told him I will see him when I get home.
9:36 am
I am semi smiling as I am thinking about how Brutus used to bark at me from my bed at "his" bedtime as if to say .."Hey Lady , its time for bed ..where are you?" .. his bark was "whoat, whoat" as if he was saying RIGHT NOW. Sweet memories ..
10:07 AM It is 10:07 and I am at work but obviously not working ..or at least not effectively. My mind keeps wondering off to my sweet boy. I have to write down all the little things that pop into my mind whether it be big, small, happy, sad as everything is meaningful right now.
It popped in my mind that I was blessed to be able to have been out of work for 6 weeks on sick leave from July15th to Aug 26th. It was a very emotional time. A lot of the emotion and soul searching spent during this time it had to do a lot with Brutus and the community that surrounds him. I was blessed to be able to spend so much time with him. Just watching him and enjoying him. I was able take in everything that is Brutus. His smells, his eating habits, his sleep patterns, his favorite sleep spots , his barks, his play time ect . Things that I never really took time to see before. Small Moments that were always taken for granted,
He was by my side practically the whole time. Not too many owners can say they were able to spend this much one on one time with any one moreless a beloved pet. Those 6 weeks were a blessing in disquise for both Brutus and I ... I am thankful......ok now back to work, or at least try to pretend my mind is on my work and not on my sweet boy who is most assuringly laying in bed at home and wondering where I am or when I will get home.
5:55 PM
Brutus was laying on his blankies and pillows in the living room when I got home at 4pm . He didnt get up to greet me but his tail did thump. I immediately went to him and started loving on him. I had to get up to put my purse away and he started whining. Mind you Brutus has never been a whiner..ever.....so I immediately came back to him and stared rubbing under his neck and I could feel the bones in his lower jaw. This young 8 year old boy looks like he is 15 years old. After a few mintues he got up and went into his room as if he had been waiting for me to get home before he could rest in our bed. I watch him jump up on the bed and has been there since.
My Husband , who is home during the day says that he tried to feed him this morning but he didnt want to eat , not even from his hand ( oh no another sign of him letting go) however he did eat his meatball with his pain meds. He did get up to around 3pm and ate his food in his bowl but not all.
My poor boy... Bru..you are so loved and because we love you ..we will soon be letting you go.....but if you need to go before you have my permission and love to leave. . You can let go my precious boy. Mommy Loves you!!
SEPT 15th Brutus did not sleep under the covers again. As I get ready for work this morning , he just watched me, still laying on my bed. I kissed his head and told him I would see him when I got home
I went to work and came home at 4:00pm. He was laying on the couch in the living room and he jumped up to see me but fell when his feet hit the ground but he immediately got up and gave me my loving ...then he headed to his room. Again, it was if he was waiting for me to get home.
Around 5:30pm, I took Bru to the vet because we needed to get his weight for the upcoming "goodbye" that was scheduled for Saturday Sept 17th at 1:30pm . Our vet agreed to come to our house, which is something he perfers not to do but since he has known Brutus since he was a young pup, he agreed to do it for Bru. To let him go in peace , comfort and quiet of his own home surrounded by his loved ones.
Brutus struggled to walk into the vets office but his pride was showing and he managed. At this point I was really seeing my boy and how much he is suffereing. In the light of the vets office, he looked very frail and tired. As we were weighing him (66.6 lbs..he gain 6 lbs probably from the tumor) the vet saw him and came over to give Bru some love. The vet commented on how "hot to the touch" Brutus felt and immediately took him into a exam room to get his temperature. His temperature was 'extremely high" and he told me that Brutus is in a lot pain and his recommendations was to "not to wait anymore and to let him go today". I panicked and started crying but I knew what he was saying was right. I told him that I had to go home and get my husband and call the Cremation company.
I left Bru with the vet as I went hysterically home to get my husband. My husband was also in a state of shocked but knew too it was time to say good bye. I called the Cremation company but he was in route to another pick up and it would be at least an hour or so before he could get there.
When we got back to the vets office, we found Dr Abadia on the floor in the mid front office waiting area with Brutus who seemed very relaxed and he didnt even get up when he saw us. It touched me to see Dr Abadia giving him gentle love and attention. I told the vet that they couldnt get there for a while and unfortunately the Vet needed to close his office and couldnt wait. We understood . He offered us to give Bru some meds for the fever , to take Brutus home to spend one last night with him and to bring him in the morning to let him go. . Due to the fevers the home visit was no longer available and we also didnt want to put him through another 24 hours for an after hours visit.So we scheduled Brutus for an in office visit for 9:30 the next morning. So the beginning of Brutus truly leaving us had started and again I begged God to let Brutus go peacefully in his slept at home amoung his loved ones.
If it should be I grow frail and weak and pain prevents my peaceful sleep Then you must do what must be done when this battle can't be won
You will be sad, I understand., Selfishness might stay your hand.
But on this day, more than the rest,Your love and friendship take the test We've had so many happy years
You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go. (Benjamin Button)
The saying that I have been clinging on to for Brutus was as long as he was having more good days over bad days then we would take it day by day.
Last night was a hard night of r realizations and the truth that I havent wanted to see or hear.
Denial is a strong enemy and I no longer can deny what I fear. His bads days are starting and I need to help him by letting go. But my heart is SCREAMING NO!! I am not ready to let the love of my life go. Its not right ..its not fair .. Please GOD NOT MY BRUTUS!!!
Brutus' boney tumor was 11 '' on Sept 5th (below 1st picture) Today it is 12" circ.
He still gets up to go outside to do his business , barks at people at the door, eating his food by himslef but he rarely leaves his room. . He doesnt stay in the living room for very long. Last night we had him on the couch with us but he seemed very uncomfortable ( maybe because I was crying like a Ninnie over him) and he all he wanted to do was go to his room. He has a certain spot in our room that he perfers, on the floor on the other side of bed, half way under my nightstand with his pillow and blankets. He alternates between the floor spot and my bed which is laying on the floor without the frame.
They say when a pack member is ill they separate themselves from the pack. I believe this is what he is doing.
My Husband and I were talking last night and he told me that I need to stop being selfish and think of how much pain he must be in and that we have to help him relieve his suffering . That we are going to be in world of hurt when we let him go but at least he will not be in pain any more.
When it was bed time, I noticed that he didnt have much strength to move around the bed, and noticed for the first time how much weight and Muscle he actually has lost. His face is sunk in at the cheeks. I totally lost it as the realization set in that I HAVE to let him go. Due to my selfishness and fears, I was unable to see what I really didnt want to see. He is suffering and he is only hanging in there for me. I must let him go this Saturday or even before if need be. He isnt getting any better and its only continue to get worse for him.
Last night he did licked the lotion off my hand but with way less enthusiasm , his breathing was very fast and shallow. At about 1:00am he was licking my hand and I felt that his tongue was very dry. I tried to get him to drink water from his bowl but he wouldnt, so I got a towel and soaked it and squeezed it into his mouth. I finally just cupped the water from the water bowl in my hands and he drank a lot. He then went to sleep more restful. He might be dehyrated as I have seen him eat but not drink too much lately..thumping my head for stupidy for not watching for this.
I am not sure what the next few days will bring but I will do my best to make sure he is comfortable and loved.
12:43 pm
I have just schedule with Faithful Friends Cremation to be on stand by for this week.
My head is now accepting more that this is really gonna happen and I know it is the right thing to do for him but my heart is pleading and begging for a miracle for him to stay and be spared .
6:05PM
I came home from work and Brutus did not get up out of bed to greet me. He is laying very still. His tumor looks worse and looks like it has grown even bigger. He does hold his head up to say hello to me and semi got up so that I could help him again drink some water. The Bru that is laying on my bed as I type this is just a shell of my Bru of just a few months ago even a few days ago. As I sit here crying like a babbling Ninnie I know in my heart it is time to do what is right for him, to say good bye and end his suffering. Soon Very Soon my sweet boy Bru.....
TODAY IS 4 MONTHS since Brutus was diagnosised with Osteosarcoma in his rear right leg.
His Vet Dr Abadia said that cases can last any where from 1 month to 6 months (some longer).
Our family is so blessed to have him still in our lives even though it is taking a toll on him.
6:30 am
I get in the car and on the radio was playing THESE SMALL MOMENTS, by Rob Thomas, which was playing on a channel that I never listen to. I truly believe in signs and this may be one of them. Please see the previous post on this song. I cherish this song as I cherish the small moments over the big momentous ones. The small moments I have spent with Brutus make me smile, laugh and cry. Small moments & memories just popped into my mind: He used to move his eyebrows back and forths to let me know he wanted to go outside, or how he owuld curl his lip up like Elvis, or did his hannibal lector sniffing when he smelled blood. How I wish he would do those again, just one more time. Wish I had gotten those actions on film.
********** ****************
This weekend his "grandbaby" Brolly came over and with the way Brutus' slap happy tail and his lickey lou tongue was going a mile a mintue you wouldnt know he was a sickly dog during this time period. Also his "Boy" Daniel came home to visit and spent some time giving him love, sadly knowing it may be the last time they see each other (until the circle comes back together).
We have scheduled Brutus for Peace this Saturday Sept 17th to be done at our house so that he wont have to face the fear of the vets office. I want him to go peacefully in the place he knew he was loved and where he provided so much love. But if he isnt ready to go then I will cancel. It is so hard to know what and when are the right decisions and when the time is right.
This morning
5:15 am I noticed lately at night that Brutus has not been wanting to completely cover himself with the blankets. He is laying all over my bed barely moving (could be the Gabapentin). He didnt jump up to lick the lotion off my entire body as he used to but when I put my hand in front of him he did lick the lotion off. I have also been noticing that he hasnt wanted to lay in the living room on his huge bed of pillows and blankies that I made for him 4 months ago. He eats when I hand feed him mostly because it is how I get him to take his meds and its a special "small moments" time for me and him. I need to not hand feed him and see if he will eat on his own. He has always had a non-chalant attitude when it came to eating, usually only eats when he was hungry. He was never much of a begger or excitable at feeding time but he never had a problem eating from Mommy's plate. ( husband hated that ). This morning when I went to work he did not get up to tell me good bye.
I know Brutus is leaving me soon. I am a little more accepting of this compared to even a few weeks ago. I dont want to let him go, yet I want him to go with dignity and pride. It will be the kindest thing I can do for him. But I am selfish and still not completely ready to let him go.
Should he have more bad days than good this week then I will find the strength to let him go this weekend as scheduled. I pray for more time and that he has more good days than bad....
9:53 am
I am sad yet happy of the little thoughts and memories that keep popping in my mind ; I always loved to walk Brutus as he always got compliments on what a GOOD LOOKING DOG he is and it opened the door to dispell all the Pit bull myths. Brutus was such a nice walker on the leash. Very gentle and never walked ahead unless you let him (sign of respect ). Happy thoughts
This picture he was at the park and really didnt even need his leash as he is such a good listener and never strays to far away. He always looks over his shoulder to make sure we are still there.
A very wise man once told me DEAD IS DEAD AND YOU DONT COME BACK FROM DEAD . NO SECOND CHANCES OR DO OVERS.... WHEN YOUR GONE YOUR GONE!
This is Why I am having such a hard time letting Brutus go... as he will be gone forever and all that will be left of him will be our memories and our heartbreak.Nothing will ever fill that void and nothing will ever come close to replacing having him here with us. ..Honestly my faith is not strong enough to know if we truly will ever see him again or if his spirit really goes to doggie paradise. If I knew 100% that he would be waiting for me somewhere then it wouldnt be so hard to let him go. . I tell myself that he will be in better place and that I will be relieving his suffering but do not I truly believe it. .
He belongs here with us!!!!! ( anger, denial,scared, grief)
What will I do with out him in my life? He has been a constant light , a forever loving and forgiving soul. He is a one of kind and no other dog will ever come close to him. Our family will have such a void. Once we let him go .. we cant bring him back ..that is why I want to make sure when he goes , its because he needs to truly go, because he is ready to go... call me selfish.. call me in denial , call me scared ....call me NOT READY TO LET HIM GO ..as GONE IS GONE and there is NO DO OVERS.
This Blog has been about Brutus. However I have 2 other dogs in our family that mean just as much to us as Brutus does :Shaft and Ninnie.
This post will be about Ninnie
I have noticed some unfamiliar behavior that she has rarely ever expedited before.
Ninnie and Brutus have always been close but I have had to separate them due to Brutus' dog aggression issues. They get along fine until they both want to go after the same lizard and all heck breaks loose. NInnie at times can be just as dominant as Brutus ( they say females are always the dominant anyways and I tend to believe that especially with our old girl Ms Tonka .)
At this point of Brutus' illness, Ninnie is much stronger than Brutus. I can not let another "yard incident" happen as it would not turn out well for Brutus and may be too much for him. Even though I want them to spend more time together , it just isn't worth it .
When ever Brutus has the chance he will lay down next to Ninnie and she will lick, paw and nose sniff at him continuously ( which she never did before ). She has never been a big licker or groomer or one to show much emotion. She has never been a whiner or pouter.
She has started to urinate in her room. Granted I may not be spending as much time with her as I should and there has been a change in schedule due to Brutus' illness. She has always been a lady and has always held her urine until she is allowed outside.
I truly believe that her nose knows that something is wrong with Brutus and she has started preparing her self for his departure. I also believes she feels my sadness too.
Dogs do grieve and maybe because they are so more in tuned to life, she already knows whats going on and is already in the pre-grieving stage.
I think I need to pull my head out of my a$$ and see that she needs me now as much as I need to cling to Brutus. ...SO GIRLIE GIRL ..MOMMY IS GOING TO START BACK ON DAILY WALKS SO THAT WE CAN HAVE OUR "GIRLIE GIRL" TIME AGAIN. SO THAT WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER THROUGH THIS SAD ORDEAL.
Ninnie has always been my silent ROCK. She too has many lessons to teach. Her lesson to me today is to: REMEMBER THAT OTHERS WILL ALSO MOURN THE LOSS OF BRUTUS & WE NEED OTHER TO GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER
PLEASE READ MORE DOG'S GRIEVING BELOW *******************************************************************
How to Help By Cesar Milan
While extremely long periods of grieving aren’t normal in dogs, simply showing patience and understanding to a pet in mourning can help an anguished dog cope, suggests anthropologist and author Elizabeth Marshall Thomas.
The tumor is progressively getting bigger and bigger yet he still has the will to live. He still stands sentry on three good legs over me, his siblings and his house every night. With every noise he hears , he is up and fires off a round of his almighty barks and growls. He loudly advises the noise intruder : " DON"TYOU KNOW WHO I AM ?"bark, bark, low growl "DONT EVEN DARE TRY TO INVADE MY FAMILY'S SANCTUARY AS YOU WILL HAVE TO GET PAST ME "THE MIGHTY BRUTUS" TO DO SO" ...bark.. bark.. growl ..growl..growly bark.. and a final nasal huff and grunt
Brutus is still eating, He taking 125 mg of Rimadyl and I rotate that with 100 to 150 mg of Gabapetin . He is still trying to spend a few mintues in the garage, plays with his blue squeeky doll baby ,still goes outside to do his business and to soak up the sun. He shows his gameness by still wanting to kill ( or give a good shaking) to the roosters next door. (one day Brutus I hope one flys over the fence and you get your chance) He is still interested in life. Yet he is slowing way down. He is still having good days..NOT GREAT but not bad either..so GOOD is good enough for now. If good is all he can do ..then I WILL TAKE IT!!!
I swear if he didnt have this big old ugly thing on his leg or knew how he was previously so healthy and muscular ....you wouldn't think he was sick at. You would just think he is a dog that is slowing down with a boo boo leg.
The time is coming soon for Brutus to take his permanent OFF LEASH JOURNEY but its not today .. and I am thankful.
Here are some updated pictures taken today of his tumor
The Growth has been signaficant to say the least even within the last 5-10 days.
Unfortunately this information is a little to late for Brutus but hopefully this will help others who will go through this heart breaking ordeal. http://www.fightcaninecancer.com/ Treating cancer can be very expensive depending on the course of treatment
recommended by your veterinarian, often costing several thousand dollars, which
many families may not be able to afford. Unfortunately, financial
considerations are a very real part of deciding how aggressively to treat your
dog’s cancer and sometimes we have to make a choice between attempting cure and
palliative care to maintain quality of life. We all have limits to what we can
do and it’s important to weigh the needs of your whole family when deciding how
much of a financial burden your family can bear. Below are some financial assistance resources that may be available to help.
Keep in mind that each program has its own criteria for eligibility and most
have very limited funding available compared with the number of dogs in need of
cancer treatments. Review the guidelines carefully before deciding to submit an
application
Don't Lose
HopeIf you find that you do not qualify for any of
these programs. Don’t lose hope. Here are some additional ideas for those
facing financial hardship
Talk with your veterinarian about
alternate treatment options or ways that you can still assist your dog in their
battle against cancer that are within your financial means.
Research online or ask your vet
about clinical trials currently taking place for which your dog may qualify. In
many cases, the costs of treatment are significantly reduced or included for
participating in these studies.
Consider reaching out to your
community to share your story and ask for the support of friends, family or
neighbors. You may be surprised at how many people are willing to help.
Many people have successfully
launched their own private fundraising campaigns in order to help their pets.
This includes email campaigns, setting up your own website to share your story,
or selling items online to raise funds through sites like eBay, Etsy, CafePress
and others
Remember, nothing is impossible if you
set your mind to it
FIRST
OPTIONS FOR FUNDING CareCredit CareCredit is a credit card
program that may be offered at your veterinary clinic or hospital. CareCredit
can offer special financing, low monthly payment options, no up-front costs, and
has no pre-payment penalties, so you can afford the care your pet needs.
Citi Health
CardGet
flexible financing for health care services at participating dentists,
orthodontists, vision care specialists, veterinarians and other providers.
Citibank card. ** Similar application process as CareCredit; however, does not
seem to have as many participating doctors who accept it.
Pet
Insurance If you among the minority of pet owners who has pet
insurance, you may be surprised at how much your policy can help pay for your
dog’s treatments. Check with your policy to find out what tests and procedures
are covered and what portion they will pay to help you make your decisions about
treatment. If you do not have pet insurance, PLEASE protect your other pets by
enrolling them in a plan. Georgia’s Legacy recommends VPI or Pet’s Best
insurance.
Walgreen's Prescription Savings Club
Progam If your dog is taking a drug that can also be prescribed
for humans, you may be able to save money on their prescriptions by enrolling in
the Walgreen's Prescriptions Savings Club Please Note:In
all cases, funds raised are not distributed directly to the pet owner. Funds
are distributed to your dog’s treating veterinarian on behalf of your pet. Be
prepared to submit your dog’s medical records, including diagnosis and
prognosis, and estimate of expenses. Ask your vet in advance for his/her
cooperation in completing forms or any requested
information. The Magic Bullet
FundMagic Bullet Fund (MBF) provides financial assistance for
canine cancer treatment only when the family is financially unable to provide
treatment. Most families contribute some portion of the treatment fees and MBF
contributes only the amount that the family cannot pay. MBF dogs would not be
able to have (or complete) cancer treatment without our assistance. MBF accepts
those cases for which we can reasonably hope that treatment will add a year to a
dog's life with high quality. Assistance is not provided for palliative care.
For dogs with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) of the limb, they will help provide
funds for amputation only. ** Click on “Ask for
Help” on their website and complete online application.
Brown Dog
FoundationOffers pet owners in temporary financial crisis an
alternative to euthanasia when their pet faces a treatable but life-threatening
condition or illness in order to restore quality of life for pet and owner.
CanineCancerAwarenessIf you are
struggling and need assistance to provide your dog with cancer treatment you are
encouraged to download an application for financial assistance. **
Application is a downloadable Word document including a page for your dog’s
doctor to complete. Application is mailed in.
Fetch A CureThrough the establishment
of our Companions in Crisis program, FETCH is working to provide financial aid
to families unable to bear the high costs of cancer treatment and
rehabilitation. ** Application available online for download.
Dog and Cat Cancer
Fund Helping
underprivileged owners get treatment for cats and dogs suffering from cancer.
** Click on “Treatment” and then Application Policies. Simple online
applications; however, they will follow-up via email for you to fax or email
your dog’s records.
Land of
PureGold 'Working Dog' Cancer Treatment GrantsGrants are $500
per individual working dog, the reimbursements provided directly to respective
veterinary personnel for oncology related expenses in the United States and
Canada. Applicants MUST BE active working dogs, that is,
in the areas of assistance, detection, search & rescue, enforcement,
military work, or animal-assisted therapy.
Pet
FundThe goal of the Pet Fund is to provide financial assistance
to owners of domestic animals who need veterinary care. ** Online
application but must make phone contact first for eligibility. Be advised …
they have long wait time.
Angels 4
AnimalsFinancial assistance for pet owners to care for
seriously ill pets and who are having financial difficulty caring for their
pet. ** They do not have an application online. Email them thru the
“Contact Us” and ask for an eligibility application.
REGIONAL SPECIFIC Ashley’s Angel
FundNORTH CAROLINA only.
Nonprofit organization providing monetary assistance for veterinary care to dog
owners whose pet is facing a life-threatening condition. ** Go to “Contact
Us” section of their website for email to qualify.
FUNDS FOR URGENT CARE
SITUATIONS IMOM (In Memory of
Magic)Dedicated to insuring that no companion animal has to be
euthanized simply because their caretaker is financially challenged. They work
to fund non-routine veterinary care for companion animals. IMOM does NOT fund
cancer treatment but may be able to pay for emergency surgery required to remove
masses that have not yet been diagnosed as cancerous. ** Applicants must
apply for CareCredit and show that they on CareCredit to apply for IMOM. This
is also an urgent care program. Vet must confirmed that pet will die or have to
be euthanized within 10 days if treatment is not provided.United Animal NationsProvides grants for pet care (numerous exclusions).
** Click on “LifeLine Grants” section of website. The animal must have an
urgent care need.
FUNDS THAT YOUR VET CAN APPLY FOR ON YOUR BEHALFAAHA Helping
PetsAs the benevolent arm of the American Animal Hospital
Association (AAHA), the AAHA Foundation seeks to improve the lives of pets. The
AAHA Helping Pets Fund works with AAHA-accredited veterinary practices to
identify pets in need. Accredited practices may then apply for assistance from
the Fund for emergency and non-elective treatment of abandoned pets and pets
whose owners are facing financial hardship. There is also a separate fund for
rescue angels to assist in care of strays and rescues.
Frankie’s FriendsPets must be recommended
for the Hope Fund support by their attending veterinarian. The Hope Fund is used
when a necessary therapy would otherwise be impossible financially. Financial
support may be given to families who demonstrate substantial financial need and
whose pets would have a good prognosis from a single intervention for long-term
recovery to a normal quality of life.
Pet Cancer
FoundationProvides a free oncology consultation for your pet
through Oncura
Partners. Requests must be made through your primary
veterinarian.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
We're meant to lose the ones we love. How else would we know how important they are to us ?
PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE AS IT HAS PROVIDED ME WITH SO MUCH INFORMATION ON THAT CANCER THE BRUTUS IS BATTLING.
The 10 Early Warning Signs of Cancer( From the American Veterinary Medical Association) Abnormal swellings that persist or continue to grow Sores that do not heal Weight loss Loss of appetite Bleeding or discharge from any body opening Offensive odor Difficulty eating or swallowing Hesitation to exercise or loss of stamina Persistent lameness or stiffness Difficulty breathing, urinating, or defecation
Cancer FactsCancer is the number 1 concern of pet owners and the number 1 natural cause of death in older dogs. The most common forms of cancer are: • breast • skin • bone • connective tissue • oral • lymphoma Known and suspected carcinogens (cancer causing agents) include: • herbicide • insecticides • second-hand smoke • radiation exposure • certain viruses • genes/improper breeding • over/unnecessary vaccinations •chemical additives and preservatives in food
